Follow the Lighted Promenade

Darkness lingered on And wrapped her fingers round She said she was feeling low today Not everything's profound And she looked at me with big, sad eyes And took me softly by the hand And said drive me to the Sea of Cortez So I can feel the sand. I don't even know what to say. Sometimes there aren't words. I will be patient before I launch any diatribe or spill anything, because I have no idea where I am at. I feel sad. I can keep saying things will be alright, but it looks like the road keeps getting steeper and less inspiring and I have to go it alone. I do see a light, but that might be my hopeless optimism kicking in. Why would anyone read this? I am so back and forth, so despirited, and I think it shows. Well, just writing some of this makes me feel better. I have to remember to do the one moment at a time thing, not to get too angry or too sad or too excited or too happy or too hopeful, because if I've learned anything from life, and apparently

So much to write...no patience. My semester starts today. I can't say what I feel about that just now. There's a nervous excitement, but also a ton of apprehension. One day at a time - one MOMENT at a time. Don't get bogged down. Enjoy what comes my way. Man, I feel different. I've got myself back and have found fun in the littlest things lately; watching old home movies, learning simple new tunes on the guitar, playing with Aspen and Brian Lee. The Cubs are awesome! I want them to win so badly. Yesterday was great. Bo wants to start a band, Stegosaurus. Oh, that sounds great. We make magic together, unlistenable though it may be. Loud, release, Prisoners of Rock and Roll. Sarah said something extraordinarily profound on Saturday (admist the 'I'm soooo tireds' and 'What is wrong with us?') that I don't think I adequately replied to. She said that she felt like part of the group that everyone envies at restaurants. That is so coo

"Over the hills a desolate wind turns shit to gold and blows my soul crazy... The end of the end, we live again, but oh I grow weary of the end." - Beck Oh, is it on now. This cannot be real...I am experiencing things that I didn't know existed. Sick still, on almost a metaphysical level, coughing up little bits of my past in disorganized clumps, moving on to see what lies ahead. I keep thinking I'm dreaming, lost inside a hazy vapour, disoriented. Dynamically disoriented. Watershed communication...saying things that I've never been able to say. The old Daniel Robin Brugioni is dying a slow death, and what will come about? Someone new, always pushing myself in new directions, always reinventing, learning to fucking take a chance of two, unblock my blue aura and let someone in. Electricity, melancholy, a dream-like covering of slate clouds, rain, little sleep, startling thoughts that swirl around, transcendental, moving on but which way do I go?...things

"I'm deep inside myself but I'll get out some how/ And I'll stand before you and I'll bring a smile to your eyes." -Neil, of course. "Lonely mountains, they look so tired/ And it's a perfect day to lock yourself inside." - Beck I'm coming off nearly a solid month of unending emotion (both good and sad) and felt ready to hit the stratosphere when my body decided to revolt. I think I have the plague or something. I am usually very positive, but feel whiney and pathetic right now. (I want my momma.) Does sickness affect your mind? Nothing is linear, just a jumbled mass of crap, that I can't even explain. I'm tired. I've been incredibly creative (well...that depends on your perspective) and have turned out a lot of writing. But I'm spinning my wheels. "I'm young inside and old inside. I'm confused and full of random pictures. Perhaps in Istanbul where my vision took me, I'll find the trail again.&qu

I feel swept up in great currents and undercurrents, like something huge is gonna happen (or is happening.) My mind feels like it's tied to a post and wants to break away, but sadly my body is lagging behind. My allergies have been KILLING me. I felt better last night, even though I couldn't talk at all, but then I coughed all last night and so far today. I think I'm gonna just cut my losses and decapitate myself. Ugh... Man, did I sound horrible last night. Sarah and Angie both laughed at my hoarse attempts at verbalization, and rightly so. I sounded like the teenager from the Simpsons. "Keep watching the skis....ahhhh, skies." Ha ha. It was good hanging out with Sarah again - it'd been awhile since I'd seen her. We traded pictures and just talked for a couple hours (well, she talked, I just kinda made rasping noises). She wrote in her post that we found fun in the most potentially horrible situations on our trip, and that is so true. Somet

From the mists in the right field corner trots the ghost of faded Fred Warner. Went to the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York with Adam, fellow blogspotist and baseball fanatic. What a trip! Alive! Very much alive. Much laughter, very sad, very happy, alive. I'll never forget looking up at the stars, lying on my back in the windswept sand, feeling the breeze, hearing the waves of beautiful Otsego Lake lapping at my feet. There were billions of stars, lots of shooting stars, many wishes. We spun around looking at the stars, falling or struggling for balance, acting like idiots on the beach. There is so much beauty in this world that it fucking hurts. Went to the research library at the Hall first. They pulled the file for Fred Warner, a comically obscure, below average ballplayer who died over 115 years ago. No one has ever heard of him, but I have become very intersted in his story - or lack thereof. But I saw his file, I saw a copy of his death certificate. He di

Radiohead Concert Review Wow, what a show! Cuyahoga Falls, OH, a warm, idyllic summer night, lots of stoners who shared my taste in haircut and crummy clothes, and a friend (Sarah) who really got it - all combined to make it a very magical evening. This being my first lawn experience, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. The sound was very low, almost conversation level, and while this made it hard to lose myself in the music, it also made it very peaceful. The band opened up with "The National Anthem," probably the only danceable song on Kid A, and proceeded from there to spin off some of their hardest to grasp and obscure songs. Of course I'd have it no other way. Thom Yorke, a fellow nerd who shares my penchant for dancing like a weiner, dedicated the song "Optimistic" to "anyone who still feels that they can make a difference." That was the first song I really flipped out to (and reclaimed, for the briefest of moments, the title of &quo

Feel wortwhile, challenged, pent-up, ultra-creative, alone, surrounded by friends, hopeful, despondent. Why do so many people live in such agony? There is so much unhappiness surrounding me, people really trying to stay up in the face of unfrontable sadness. Wow. There had better be a reason for all of this. I'm off to see Radiohead in Akron, Ohio with Sarah. This is her first trip in quite awhile, and I feel very flattered that she trusts me enough to go on such a journey. She has shown me a lot as I've gotten to know her better. It is really heartening to see someone face their fears head-on, rather than simply ignoring them and sinking beneath them. I will be sure to write a concert review - Radiohead as seen through the eyes of a dancing moron. :) Yippee. Went down to Purdue over the weekend, had the usual great time, lots of laughs, insults, generaly nerdy goofiness. Adam D. just moved into his new apartment and is facing the prospect of living alone.

It has been a Nirvana week. Kurt is my guru (tho I'm not suicidal). I feel good today, but good in a hopeless, resigned, fetted way. Finals week again! Blarg! Where have I heard that word. It is quite cool. Blarg. What is a blarg? I should be typing. Chub. (Another great one.) I don't want to type my journals. I want to lay on the couch in a fetal position listening to womb sounds. I told Sarah that I want to go to a bar Thursday after finals and wake up in a ditch on Sunday. I don't drink, but I can see the attraction. Maybe I'll just do it without the alcohol...spend a couple of nights out. :) I am just coming out of a horrid depression, a lonely time. It was many things at once that contributed to it. My lack of crack money, finding out that my mom and dad are brother and sister, the Chinese mafia coming to collect their due (I now have an impressive collection of broken thumbs and teeth). It was a rough time. But with my semester nearing compl